사랑 에 중독

Part 01

January 28, 2011, Friday

 

With the exam weeks done, the pojamangcha tonight is undoubtedly congested. Despite the fair number of patrons piling inside the cramped place, Jongin and Kyungsoo were able to occupy a table at the far end corner, ordering some soju, but not without having to beg to the store owner.

 

“But, you’re still underage. How old are you 17? 18?” the ahjumma had asked them, cocking an eyebrow.

 

Mustering his best puppy-eyes, Jongin pleaded to the said owner. “Ahjumma, just give us some booze. We just had a hell-of-an-exam and this friend of mine’s heartbroken. He even took an online application exam in this state,” he narrated, his hands holding the owner’s arm. “Please?”

 

Heaving a sigh, the woman nodded. “Just stay there in the corner. I don’t want people to moralize me about allowing you minors to drink.”

 

“Thank you,” Jongin and Kyungsoo said at once.

 

 

*

 

 

“Hyung, that’s enough,” Jongin uttered, putting his chopsticks down beside his bowl of tteokbokki. “Did you tell Baekhyun? I mean, he deserves to know.”

 

Kyungsoo swigged his third or second bottle of soju—he’s far too drunk to remember, anyway—to the very last drop, wincing at the burning sensation in his throat and in his chest. “What’s there left to tell?” he slurred, sarcasm heavy on his words. “He’s on the process of getting over me…while here I am, drowning my pathetic self in misery.”

 

Jongin sighed, taking the now empty bottle from the older male’s hand. “I’m sure it’s not like that…he’s just having hard time just like you.”

 

Looking at him, Kyungsoo’s tears fell. “It was never…never a tad bit easy for me.  God knows how much I love him and you also know that — and among others, he should know that.” His tears flowed down like rivulets on his pale cheeks, almost unceasing. He tilted his head, fighting back the tears, but to no avail. “I think my heart’s going to burst…it hurts like hell.”

 

“Hyung,” Jongin scooted closer, wrapping an arm around him. “…I shouldn’t have brought you here.”

 

After he helped the elder finished his remaining drinks, they rode a bus back to their dorm. Jongin brought Kyungsoo to his and Chanyeol’s shared room. He wet some cloth and wiped the other’s face clean.

 

“I guess he’s out with Chanyeol, again,” Kyungsoo said, looking at the empty bed across Jongin’s own.

 

“Maybe they just got some drinks,” Jongin responded, trying to ease the elder’s worries. “They’ll be back soon.”

 

Kyungsoo flashed him a small smile. “If it weren’t me…it would have been Chanyeol.”

 

Knowing where this topic would lead to, Jongin wrapped his arm around the other. “Baekhyun and Chanyeol are like…the best of friends, just like the two of us,” he uttered, cupping the elder’s face. “Baekhyun loves you.”

 

“He loved me…used to love me,” Kyungsoo blurted out, smiling bitterly. “Why didn’t I fall for you?”

 

“Because you only like me as a friend, as a brother…” Jongin answered, forcing a smile. He loosened his hold on Kyungsoo’s shoulder, when he felt him relaxed. “…Let’s stop this topic for now. I want to ask you something.”

 

“Sure. What is it?”

 

“I know that you don’t want to talk about this but…when are you leaving?”

 

Kyungsoo let out a sigh as he faced the empty bed across them. “Two days after the graduation…Seungsoo’s coming with me.”

 

“T-That’s in three weeks,” Jongin blurted, taken aback. “Did you finish all the requirements that you need?”

 

“I’m almost done with the paper works and I’m sending them right away once I finish. I’ll have enough time to do what I needed to do there, since the start of classes will be on August.”

 

“You’re taking up architecture in Yale University, right?”

 

Kyungsoo nodded. “It’s the craft that I’ve always wanted to pursue.”

 

“I can still remember when you said that you wanted to be a great architect just like your dad, when we were in middle school,” Jongin narrated, smiling in reminiscence. “After you graduate, you can work in your father’s company.”

 

“That’ll be great, but I guess I’ll work for some other companies first. I don’t want to get the special treatment just because I’m his son.”

 

“Well, you have a point. For me, I’ll be taking something related to dancing or performing.”

 

“I’m sure you’ll do a great job. You’re talented,” Kyungsoo praised.

 

Jongin pursed his lips, holding the latter’s hand. “God, I will miss talking to you when you’re far away.”

 

Reaching for his face, Kyungsoo caressed Jongin’s cheek. “We still have three weeks to be together. I will just leave to study abroad…not to forget you.”

 

 

*

 

 

After staying for a while, Jongin accompanied Kyungsoo back to his and Baekhyun’s shared unit. When Kyungsoo hesitated in front of the door, Jongin held him on the shoulder.

 

“Are you sure you’re going to be okay? I can share my bed with you, if you want.”

 

“I’m fine…” Kyungsoo responded, facing the other. “We can’t always avoid each other. He and I are roommates after all.”

 

 

With a nod, Jongin left. It was almost past the curfew hours when Baekhyun arrived from his walk with Chanyeol and Jongdae. When he entered the bedroom, Kyungsoo is already asleep, with his back facing him. He went to the bathroom to wash up and changed into his sleeping clothes.

 

As soon as he finished drying his hair, he saw a covered glass of honey water sitting atop his own desk. He picked up the said glass and read the note that was under it.

 

It’s for hangover.

 

Taking the glass and sitting on his bed, he took sips of the honey water. He watched the steady rise and fall of Kyungsoo’s back, as the fluid numbed his aching throat. He almost choked on his drink when he felt the dampness on his face. Only when he touched his cheeks, did he realize that he was crying.

 

 

♚

 

Seoul, March 2008

 

Luck.

 

Baekhyun thought was the reason he got accepted in an esteemed academy in Seoul after finishing middle school in his hometown. He was not really part of the crème of the crop in his class, but he was not a bad student either.

 

He’s lucky—he thinks.

 

He came from an affluent family; spent his sixteen years living inside high ceilinged-house, with maids attending to his needs and wants. In short, he couldn’t ask for more—but no, he’s not happy…not a bit contented.

 

When he managed to have his father half-convinced and half-persuaded that he wanted to have a life of his own—just like his brother—Baekhyun for once, felt genuinely happy. However, his father being known as strict and ambitious gave him one condition—to excel in the academe. He could care less, because all he wanted was freedom.

 

With his luggage in tow, Baekhyun takes his first breath of liberation, as he stepped into the subway. He waited until he finally reached his destination, the city of Seoul. His eyes lingered on the taller buildings and the busier streets when he went out of the station. The thought of being free at last, made him smile.

 

He hummed a cheerful tune, as he walked his way towards the line of white-painted cabs near the sidewalk.

 

“To Whimoon…”

 

Upon arriving in front of the opened gates of Whimoon, Baekhyun watched the movement of people going in and out of the academy—students and adults, with their respective documents on hand.

 

He crossed the street and marvelled at the numerous stalls of street food, cafés and fast food chains situated in the area. Not knowing what to choose, he settled in buying his favourite—the tteokbokki.

 

“You seem new to this place,” the middle-aged man uttered, grinning as he gave him a once-over and his luggage in one hand. “Not from the city, I guess?”

 

“Yes,” Baekhyun answered, scrunching his nose at the spiciness of his food. “Do you perhaps know some dormitories nearby, ahjussi?”

 

“There are a lot actually, but I’m not sure if there are any vacancies. You know, it’s the start of school and many are lodging. If you want, you can look further around. Daechi-dong has a lot of staying-inns. There are quite a number of dorms, on the other side. Just ride a bus…it’s a 10-minute ride.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

 

When he reached the waiting area for buses, he immediately placed his luggage in the lower compartment, hopping inside the bus after. He fished his phone from his back pack which was sitting on his lap.

 

He got off the bus when he reached the next stop. Strolling around Gangnam-gu, he came across various department stores for signature brands. He decided to enter a few stores before he proceeded with his initial plan that is, to find a nearby dormitory.

 

After roaming around, he found himself on the other side of the street where lodging houses and dormitories were located. Baekhyun entered one dormitory in the place. The building was relatively new and fully-furnished with six levels. With his luggage in one hand, he inquired for vacancies. Fortunate enough, he was given a room and so, he immediately paid for his deposit.

 

Taking the elevator, he headed for the third floor. After he stepped out, he looked for his room number and stopped in his track when he found it. He was about to key in his pass code, when something from the other end of the lobby, caught his eyes. A young guy, around his height and probably his age, with round and doe-like eyes came out of the door, four rooms towards his right. He was frowning at a taller guy, with darker skin tone in contrast to his pale ones.

 

“You should be more careful. Classes will start next week. I’m not always around, you know,” said the shorter guy, as what Baekhyun makes it out to be. As he was typing in his code, he still can’t help but eavesdrop.

 

“…That’s why you should live with me, hyung,” the tan male uttered with a sheepish grin on his lips.

 

“Silly,” was the shorter guy’s reply, who chuckled as he lightly smacked the other’s arm. He immediately apologized when the other groaned. “I’ll go now. You better be okay, or I’ll tell your sister.”

 

“I got it. Bye,” the tan male responded smiling, as he ruffled the shorter guy’s hair.

 

Baekhyun slightly jumped on his feet, when the code was accepted. He froze in his place when the shorter guy—whom he was staring at awhile ago—passed by him.

 

Shaking his head, he brought his luggage inside. He removed his shoes and placed them on a rack near the entrance. He hummed appreciatively when he saw the living room, the kitchen, bathroom, especially his new bedroom. The room has two single-sized beds on either side, with separate closets and desk tables.

 

Minutes later, he started arranging his clothes, underwear and his new uniform inside the closet. He placed his laptop, notebooks and some other writing materials on his desk; while he placed his toiletries inside the bathroom. Exploring his own kitchen, he realized that there are plates, utensils and kitchenware provided for two people who’d occupy the unit.

 

“Not bad. I just have to buy some groceries tomorrow.”

 

*

 

Baekhyun spent his day watching reruns of shows on the television and ordering some take-outs for his lunch and dinner. The following day, he woke up a bit early. He immediately bathed and changed into his white shirt and denims. Since it was chilly outside, he decided to wear his gray beanie, which covered mostly of his damp black hair.

 

Walking leisurely around the block, Baekhyun entered a convenience store and bought some packs and cups of ramen, canned goods, some yoghurts, milk and water. He left after paying his purchases. He was on his way back taking another route, when he found a music store around the corner. Without second thoughts, he went inside the said store.

 

Scanning each section in every aisle, he found himself at the back portion of the store, where some music players were placed in each post. Wearing the headphones, he searched for some song titles in the tab. After finding his favourite song, he sang as the music played through his headphones.

 

Turning to his right, he found a familiar guy who looked serene with his eyes closed, as he was listening to some music in his own share of headphones. When the said guy slipped his headphones off, only then did Baekhyun realize that he had been staring at him for awhile now, with his favorite song left forgotten. The said familiar guy was looking back at him with a polite smile on his lips.

 

Unable to say a word, he stood frozen once again, watching as the guy leaves for the second time. When he snapped out of his reverie, he removed his headphones and rubbed a hand on top of his chest.

 

“Now, what is this?” he mumbled, feeling his heart fluttering, all of a sudden.

 

 

♚

 

 

On the very first day of school, Baekhyun along with hundreds of students attended the short opening program. His eyes are looking at everywhere else but the school Chairperson, who’s delivering his speech on stage.

 

His sight wandered from the faculty members up on the stage, who almost nodded at every word that comes out from the Chairman; to the group of girls, who are busy chatting about their crushes in one corner; to the group of boys near him, who are bragging and flaunting their latest gadgets and smart phones and what have you; and lastly, to the guy on his far left, who is smiling disarmingly at his tan friend beside him.

 

For a moment, everything seemed to get in slow motion, as he watched how the doe-eyed guy’s lips turned into the shape of a heart, when he smiles completely. Realization dawned upon him that he was staring at the guy a way too obviously, when he’s met with beautiful dark brown orbs, staring back at him.

 

It was only then that he noticed that the program was finished and that same guy is now standing in front of him.

 

“Are you okay?” the guy asked, waving a hand in front of him.

 

Baekhyun immediately broke his eye contact with him and scratched his nape, awkwardly.

 

“Y-Yeah, I’m fine…I-I was just…spacing out,” he answered, gulping down a lump on his throat, he never knew existed.

 

When the other guy smiled at him, something in his stomach fluttered.

 

“We already met, right?”

 

“Yes…at the dorm…and at the music store,” Baekhyun uttered, voice a bit shaky as he was too stunned to be actually talking to this cute guy. He thought that he was really being obvious as the other responded with a light chuckle. “Sorry, I’m just new to this place so I’m a bit nervous.”

 

“It’s alright. By the way, I’m Kyungsoo…Do Kyungsoo,” the shorter guy said, smiling as he offered his hand in greeting.

 

After sharing a hand shake, Baekhyun grinned. “Your surname sounds familiar. I’m Byun Baekhyun,” he responded, a little pitchy from his excitement—to which he hoped the latter did not notice. “I didn’t know you’re attending here.”

 

“Neither did I expect that I’ll be seeing you here,” Kyungsoo uttered, still smiling. “Let’s go.”

 

Baekhyun nodded, following him right after. The two of them left the function hall and walked their way to the Liberal Arts Department.

 

“Wow, we’re classmates for most of the subjects. What a coincidence,” Kyungsoo blurted as he looked at their schedules.

 

“Coincidence,” Baekhyun thought, smiling.

 

 

 

The whole week went by with Baekhyun spending most of his classes with Kyungsoo and his free time inside the library with his other friends, Park Chanyeol and Kim Jongdae. During one of their common subjects, the three clicked instantly when they learned that they all like music, the same with Kyungsoo.

 

♚

 

Coincidence…

 

…was Baekhyun’s answer to what had brought Kyungsoo in front of his door, one Saturday morning. The said guy was holding onto the strap of his back pack with one hand and his luggage, on the other.

 

“Hi, I’m your new roommate,” Kyungsoo said, grinning. “I hope the management told you.”

 

Baekhyun nodded, scratching his sleepy eyes. “Yes, they told me that I’m going to have my roommate soon,” he uttered, taking the luggage from the latter’s hold. “…but I didn’t know that it’d be you.” Opening the door much wider, he mirrored a smile. “Come in.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

While Baekhyun carried his luggage to their now shared bedroom, Kyungsoo sat on the couch in the living room.

 

“Honestly, I was surprised when I learned that this is the only room available,” he confessed, looking around the unit from his seat.

 

“Then I’m sorry to disappoint you,” was Baekhyun’s crestfallen reply as he emerged from their bedroom. “I bet you prefer to room with that tan friend of yours.”

 

Amused at the latter’s expression of dejection, Kyungsoo can’t help but smile. “You look like a dejected puppy, Baekhyun,” he uttered, looking directly at the said guy.

 

Baekhyun mustered a pout—jutting his lower lip a bit while sitting next to Kyungsoo. He can’t find a reason to be bothered by his words though, because he did not sound like he meant to tease. He felt that it was some sort of compliment. ‘A puppy looks cute,’ he thinks. Well, he wants to believe it’s like that.

 

“I heard his roommate is Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo’s voice snapped Baekhyun from his reverie. “…and I heard that you’re friends with that guy, so this is truly a --”

 

“…coincidence,” Baekhyun said, finishing his sentence. Finding himself staring at the same doe-eyed guy who caught him off-guard on the very first day that they met, he wouldn’t say otherwise. “It’s such a coincidence, indeed,” he repeated, smiling.

 

♚

 

February 9, 2011, Wednesday

 

It’s been two weeks since Kyungsoo told Baekhyun about his plans. Two long weeks since Baekhyun gave him the cold shoulder.

 

 

*

 

 

“Baekhyun,” he uttered, glancing down at his boyfriend, whose head is resting on his lap.

 

The two of them were spending their lunch break under the shade of a tree near the soccer field. It was one of their favorite places in school ever since the two of them got close as friends…and eventually, as lovers.

 

Baekhyun looked up, suddenly feeling nervous as his eyes met with his boyfriend’s. He lifted a hand to caress Kyungsoo’s pale cheek and forced a smile. “Hey, loosen up. You sound and look so serious.”

 

Feeling his heart clenching and his throat constricting, Kyungsoo slowly bend over to place a chaste kiss on the latter’s lips.

 

With his suspicion rising, Baekhyun sat up, shifting on his position so that they’re now facing each other. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

 

“You know that I’m taking architecture for college, right?”

 

Baekhyun nodded. “I know.”

 

Kyungsoo shifted in his seat, taking the other’s hands into his own. “Baek, you also know that I already applied for Yonsei and Korea University, right?” He added further, locking gaze with his boyfriend and dwelling in the silence that had wrapped around them.

 

Mustering every ounce of courage he still has, he finally opened up. “I plan on submitting my application for Yale University this Friday.”

 

“T-That’s in the U.S., right?” Baekhyun asked, stuttering. “When did you decide to? Why?” he blurted out, too shocked and confused to even know what to ask.

 

“I’m sorry…I know that I promised that we’ll still see each other once we’re in college.”

 

With his own voice shaking, Kyungsoo felt that he’s close to tearing up. His heart is hammering strongly against his chest, making it hard for him to breathe.

 

“I was meaning to tell you the week after my birthday. I-I think it’ll be a better choice for me, since Seungsoo’s also studying there…” He took measured breaths as he cupped his boyfriend’s face.

 

“…But what about me? Us? You know that I’m not good with adjusting.” With his outburst, Baekhyun’s tears streamed down his cheeks. “I don’t think I could carry on a long distance relationship.”

 

 Unable to control his own emotion, Kyungsoo broke down. “I know that it’ll be hard being away from each other, but we have to endure. I’m doing this because I love you.”

 

“If you love me, then why do you have to leave?” Baekhyun cried out, his grasp firm on Kyungsoo’s arms. “…are you tired of loving me?”

 

Hearing him say those words, Kyungsoo’s heart dropped. He pulled the other into his arms and kissed him on the side of his face.

 

“No, Baekhyun. I’ve never grown tired of loving you. You mean so much to me…” Holding him closer, he silently cried as the words that he wanted to say got stuck on his throat.

 

 

*

 

 

Two weeks passed by painstakingly slow since Baekhyun ended everything.

 

 

“About what you told me the other day—do what you want, take that exam,” Baekhyun uttered, his cold voice piercing through the silence in their shared room. “I guess you already made a choice. Let’s end this…”

 

Thunder stricken from his sudden declaration, Kyungsoo held the latter’s wrist, his own hand shaking. “W-What do you mean?” Getting no response, he grasped his other hand. “Tell me, you don’t mean that.”

 

Freeing his hands from his hold, Baekhyun looked at him, his eyes cold and lifeless. “Let’s break up…this is what I meant. Maybe we’re not just meant to be…maybe everything was just a coincidence.” Turning his back, he was about to leave when the other spoke.

 

“…I did not love you just because of that goddamn coincidence…” Kyungsoo blurted out, voice trembling as his tears poured down. “I loved you because that is what my rational mind and irrational heart tells me. You don’t know how much I’m hurting right now because of you.”

 

Clenching his fists, Baekhyun stormed out of the room, not letting the latter see his own tears.

 

 

*

 

Destiny.

 

Baekhyun believed that it was destiny that brought Kyungsoo into but also, out of his life.

 

 

♚

 

 

“Hey, are you alright? You don’t look too good,” Chanyeol asked, worried. “You’ve been drinking almost every day since you two broke up. Did you drink again last night?” He added, lowering his head to look at the other guy at eye level.

 

“I just didn’t get enough sleep,” Baekhyun lied, looking down at his pile of documents.

 

“Is this still about him?” Chanyeol asked softly as they were in the library. Moving closer, he wrapped his hand over the latter’s fisted ones. “I can lend an ear, you know.”

 

Baekhyun sighed, putting his paper down. “I told you, it’s nothing. Can you just please drop that subject?”

 

Chanyeol shook his head disapprovingly. “Actually, anyone can tell that it’s anything, but certainly not nothing.” He placed his own envelop down on the table, tipping the shorter guy’s chin up. “You got to tell me. We can’t keep being together if you’re acting like this. We’re going to graduate in less than a week.”

 

“Let’s go…I’m just tired.”

 

 

They are already near the lockers to get their things and to prepare for their rehearsal for the commencement exercises, when they saw a scene which nailed them on the spot. Chanyeol held Baekhyun’s fisted hand, as they witnessed Kyungsoo being pressed against his locker, with Jongin’s lips on his.

 

Seeing him not struggling nor fighting back, Baekhyun’s heart shattered into pieces. He clenched his fists harder, his nails digging raw into his skin. He didn’t realize that a bead of tear slipped from his eye, until Chanyeol wiped it for him. Looking back at the other two, his fists started to tremble when Jongin grabbed Kyungsoo’s hand and led him towards the opposite direction.

 

Not bothering to wipe the tears that have been streaming down his cheeks, Baekhyun opened his locker, got his things and shut it close afterwards. Chanyeol pulled him into a hug, soothing a hand over his back.

 

“You’ll be alright.”

 

♚

 

On the night of the Graduation Ball held at one events hall in Gangnam-gu, many were making the most out of their last night as high school students with their friends and lovers. Chanyeol shook his head and sighed as he watched Baekhyun merely playing with the food with his fork, and not eating.

 

“Hey, get up. Bring your plate,” he uttered as he looked at the shorter guy.

 

“Why? Where are we going?” Baekhyun asked, flustered but standing up anyway.

 

Chanyeol gave him a small smile. “It’s about time to make amends. You won’t see him for the next four…or five years. You should try to talk, at least.”

 

Baekhyun didn’t say a word and just followed after him. Chanyeol dragged him towards Kyungsoo and Jongin’s table, startling them.

 

“Can we share the table with you guys?” he asked, smiling.

 

Jongin turned to his side, looking at Kyungsoo who became silent. Seeing him nod, he mirrored a smile at the taller guy. “Of course, you can.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

The silence was almost deafening around their table, save for the booming sound systems which were playing happy songs which did not do much in uplifting their moods. Trying to break the awkwardness, Chanyeol spoke.

 

“You know what guys? Jongin and I were shopping a couple of days before. I was fitting this pair of slacks when I heard some sound of something being ripped apart. When I turned halfway and looked at the mirror, I realized that the butt area of my pants was torn,” he narrated, shaking his head in disbelief.

 

“It was so expensive but he had to pay for it and buy another one,” Jongin added, stifling a chuckle. “You’re a fat ass, Yeol.” With his remark, Kyungsoo and Baekhyun smiled.

 

“Oh, shut up. Your butt is fatter, Jongin,” Chanyeol quipped, laughing after. Although they’re pretty much tangled in the other two’s problem, the both of them had stay civil, not wanting to mess with their friendship.

 

 

Later that night, the guys from the Music Club (to which Baekhyun, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo are members, along with Jongdae), changed the songs from upbeats to mellow ones to give way for couples to have their slow dancing.

 

Chanyeol dragged Baekhyun into the dance floor, ignoring the soft protests spilling from the latter’s mouth. Staring at Kyungsoo, Jongin held his hand, which was on the table.

 

“You okay?” he asked, worried.

 

Kyungsoo nodded. “It’s nothing I can’t manage.” He gently patted the other guy’s hand which was holding his left hand.

 

Slowly rising from his seat, Jongin smiled as he outstretched a hand in front of him. “May I have this dance?”

 

Kyungsoo chuckled. He pinched the other’s nose, biting off a grin. “You make my fingers curl,” he responded, faking a frown which made the younger pinched his cheek back.

 

As the couples began swaying to the rhythm, Baekhyun decided to go back to his seat, after excusing himself from Chanyeol who became busy chatting with his classmates. Seeing him all alone, Jongdae neared him and took the seat next to him.

 

“Where’s Yeol?” he asked, looking at him, concernedly.

 

Looking at the direction of the long table where the dishes were placed, Baekhyun watched as Chanyeol was having a good time, laughing with his other friends. Jongdae sighed, giving his shoulder a comforting squeeze.

 

“Did you guys talk? I mean Kyungsoo…did you talk to him?” he asked, carefully choosing his words. “I heard he’s leaving your dorm tomorrow and Korea the following day.”

 

Baekhyun clenched his hands, trying to stop them from shaking. “We didn’t...” he answered, voice starting to waver.

 

“Byun,” Jongdae tries, making the latter stare into his eyes. “I know that things have been rough, but you need to at least…say something. Look at yourself…you’re not even happy with Chanyeol.”

 

Avoiding his friend’s gaze, Baekhyun looked somewhere else. He felt his chest tightening even more, when he saw Kyungsoo resting his head against the crook of Jongin’s neck, with his hands curled on the taller guy’s waist. Following his line of sight, Jongdae immediately wrapped an arm around him.

 

“Hey, stop looking at them.” 

 

Unrelenting, Baekhyun fixed his gaze on the two—now witnessing as Jongin run a hand on Kyungsoo’s lower back. When a service crew offered him a variety of beverages, he immediately took a glass of white wine and swigged it at once. His eyes started to water as he watched the two still unmoving from their intimate position.

 

“I’m dizzy,” Kyungsoo whispered, leaning his head on Jongin’s shoulder. “I should go.”

 

Holding him closer, Jongin pressed soothing circles behind the elder’s ear. “I’ll go with you, just try to relax.”

 

Just as the music stopped, Jongin lead Kyungsoo away from the crowd. The both of them went home after telling Chanyeol, who had rejoined Baekhyun on the table due to Jongdae’s intervention.

 

“I think we should also go back to the dorm now. My head hurts,” Baekhyun uttered, hissing at his throbbing temples.

 

“Alright.”

 

As they were walking towards the exit, Jongdae called them out, making them stop in their tracks.

 

“What is it?” Chanyeol asked, cocking a brow in confusion.

 

Cupping Baekhyun’s face, Jongdae shifted his gaze from the said guy to the taller guy. “Just, take care of him.”

 

With a nod, Chanyeol clapped a hand on his arm. “I will.”

 

 

*

 

After a few minutes of taxi ride, they both arrived at the dorm. Baekhyun just bade Chanyeol goodbye and entered the unit right away. After locking the door close, he went directly to the kitchen for some honey water. Finding one on top of the counter, he swigged the said drink and head for the bedroom afterwards, without even brushing his teeth and taking a bath.

 

Kyungsoo roused from his not-so-deep sleep when he felt someone’s arm, wrapped around his waist. He didn’t have to turn around to know that it was Baekhyun.

 

Shifting on the bed, he slowly turned around so that he is now facing the latter. Lifting his hand to reach for Baekhyun’s face, he hesitated — doubting if he is still allowed to touch him. Pushing back his thoughts, he combed his hand through Baekhyun’s slightly damp dark hair, before skimming his hand over his eyes, to his nose, down to his thin pair of lips. Moving back up, he allowed his hand to rest on Baekhyun’s cheek, with his thumb stroking the flushed skin.

 

Staring at his ex-lover’s face, Kyungsoo’s eyes betrayed him. Seeing Baekhyun sleeping peacefully next to him, on top of his cramped up bed, is a sight too painfully familiar—one that is utterly impossible for him to forget.

 

“I love you…I still do,” he whispered, leaning down to kiss Baekhyun on his eyes, to the tip of his nose and finally, on the corner of his mouth. “I’m sorry that I have to leave you….but I’m only doing this for us. I have to leave because I want to live longer for you.”

 

♚

 

It was almost noon when Baekhyun woke up. Shielding his eyes from the glare of sun light passing through the room’s window, he sat up. He became flustered when he found himself on Kyungsoo’s bed. Slowly getting up, he hissed when he felt his temples, throbbing.

 

As his dull headache subsided, he realized that Kyungsoo’s things are gone. His closet was left ajar and his desk table void of his things—nothing left, just bare.

 

Despite this, Baekhyun tried to ignore the sharp tug on his heart strings.

 

Going to the bathroom to wash his face, he noticed that his toothbrush was left alone on the brush rack. Although his toiletries are not there anymore, the familiar minty scent of his aftershave and shampoo still lingered inside the shower.

 

Despite all of this, Baekhyun endured, allowing his heart to break slowly into pieces.

 

When he went to the kitchen to get a glass of water, he found a small piece of paper sitting on top of a dark cloth covering what seemed to be bowls of food.

 

 

                        Don’t skip meals…and take care of yourself.

 

 

Baekhyun slumped into a seat, holding the piece of paper with clenched hands. Burying his face on his hands, all of the pent up pain that he’s been keeping and all of the tears that he’s been holding back, came crashing into him at this instant.

 

“You’re leaving me anyway…why do you have to act like you care?”  

 

After all of his futile attempts of enduring the pain, Baekhyun finally gave up—crying his heart out and not stopping until he has no more tears to cry.